A very small selection
Photo by Duncan (2009) – she felt safe in his presence.
Note from me – Kathryn bestows treasures to those whose hearts are already open. Duncan was a changed man – and anytime I remind him about this – he gets all misty eyed.
From Duncan (2009
After Patricia had moved to Hamilton, we visited Kathryn at her temporary foster home in Christchurch. She was sitting in front of the TV with another girl most of the time. This was not her normal behavior. She apparently had become firm friends with her and actually sat in the taxi home from school holding hands with her.
When we were getting ready to leave she started grabbing my arms, making ‘aaah’ noises and pointing to her ribs, obviously trying to tell me something. Heather soon realised she wanted me to tickle her and sure enough, she asked her, she affirmed and when I did she really enjoyed it.
I felt really overwhelmed that she was accepting me into her life and asking to be touched – something she usually avoided. It was heart-rending to have to take her back inside when she walked outside and wanted to go with us when we left.
A fellow acupuncture colleague Kerrie (2009)
Besides the heartful intensity of not accepting the judge’s decision. Answering the question Why we do. I have this snippet from the owner of a therapy clinic I saw a Chinese massage worker in for a short while. She was one day in the room to help hold Kathryn down. “Kathryn looked at me, and I then had the answer to how did Heather keeps going – the intensity of the intelligence in her daughter . . That’s how/why Heather does it!!”
Patricia (Kathryn’s angel)
There are many special people who touch our lives in a certain kind of way and have known them we will never be the same again Having first met Kathryn in 1998 has truly been a blessing – I did not know that at first but after almost ten years together I do know that Kathryn has truly changed not only who I am but how I look at people with any sort of disability, that change has been passed on to my two sons and my extended famil
Kathryn has taught me to be grateful for who I am and this I have passed on to my sons and nieces, she has taught me that all people
need love and nurture and a safe place to call home. I have been told so many times that I must have so many patience to look after someone like Kath but I think that’s one of the qualities that Kath has taught me, she has taught me to be a much calmer person. I wasn’t so sure about taking the job to do Home Support for Kathryn, after meeting her I thought I could not handle or even cope caring for a person with a disability let alone a person with such challenging destructive behaviors but a ‘little voice’ kept nagging me to take up the challenge and I have never regretted taking up that challenge.
I remember thinking there is this little girl who needs me and honestly speaking I needed her – times were very difficult at the beginning because I think Kathryn was testing her boundaries and were getting to know each other, I also think most of the early behaviour was issues around Kath’s own securities. Although Kathryn has her disabilities we have found she is smarter than we all think she is – first Kathryn came to realise I was there for
the long haul and knowing she was been given stability, structure,attention, security, trust and loads of love and attention she started to pay attention to things and people around her.
At that time my two boys Nathan who is 23 now and Daniel who is 21 grew up with Kathryn, I remember Nathan having lots of time for Kath
but Daniel I think was a bit jealous of Kath and Kath knew that and used to in her own way wind Daniel up, there were many times Kath would go out of her way to make lots of noise while Daniel was watching TV or playing video games, she enjoyed annoying him.
We as a family would get so excited when Kathryn would show off things we thought she was not capable of like the very first time she did up her seat belt and, when she switched on the light or closed the doors or took her plate to the sink after dinner one night or putting her dirty clothes in her own washing basket and when she finally showed us after months of teaching her how to sit properly on a chair and how to sleep in bed these were all such big achievements for Kath and caused a lot of excitement in our house.
There was this special moment once at school when Nathan and I went to Kathryn’s school concert – this was almost 2 years after Kath came to live with us – Kathryn was wondering around the school yard picking up things as she does, somehow she noticed me or recognized
my voice and came straight towards me pushing herself on my lap to sit and giving me a cuddle and kind of a kiss on my cheek, this lasted maybe a minute but the memory and the feelings have lasted forever finally Kath and I made a connection and it was real – I remember telling every body who would listen and how good I was feeling.
Taking Kathryn to Fiji was a mission so we thought – she loved it and behaved so well,even I was surprised at the way she interacted with people around her and how she was so calm and settled. Again at my dad’s funeral Kath showed us that she knew what was going – she seem to put on her best behavior knowing what I was going through at that time.
There are so many changes we have seen in Kathryn in the years that I have cared for her – she has grown into a beautiful young women but yet still in a mind of a child. Kathryn is a lot of hard work and commitment but life without her – my life would be empty, I love watching her smile and feeling happy and all the energy she seem to have, I love her beautiful hair and wish I could have her beautiful slim figure.
I love you Kathryn and may God Bless you and always keep you smiling.
Patricia’s sister Rachel (2009)
Kathryn first came to be part of our family about 8 – 9 years ago. She first started coming home only as an after-school care charge. After a while, Kath became a permanent fixture in our household. Now we all think of her as just another member of our family and not just as Patricia’s foster child. Kath has been on holidays with us to Fiji and our extended family back home have embraced her as well to be family. I also worked with Kath, having her as my charge for a while. Kath’s behavior has changed a lot since she has come into Patricia’s care. At first, Kathryn did not know how to properly behave around other individuals; just simple table manners, etc were quite a challenge for Kath but it all came into place after a while in Patricia’s care. I do admire my sister for the time, patience and love she has shared with Kathryn over the years.
I have a two year old daughter, Loghan (now grown as a teen see right), and she is attached to Kathryn as well. She has been around Kath since she was born. It is quite funny at times only because Kathryn sometimes gets jealous of the attention Loghan gets from Patricia and she can get stubborn. My whole family here in New Zealand have sometime or the other had some contact with Kathryn and have even shared in the care of Kath. We are very fond of Kathryn and adore her dearly.
Jocelyn – a friend from NZ (2009)
Prior to Kathryn, Heather already had 2 children; My memories are of Heather looking after me – especially cooking. Her energy and interest in life. Her drive and intelligence. Me at times feeling discombobulated in big city Brisbane and with study (she was my main acupuncture lecturer when Josh (3 years older than Skye) was just a baby). She feeding me and that was what I needed. Practical mothering care. Where did she find the energy?
Skye born and had high fever, convulsions. Me thinking – let her go – the work and commitment involved in keeping her – Was it kind particularly as she fought so hard to go and would have a life with considerable brain damage? You don’t say no to Heather easily and many of us roped into Skye’s treatment (and we wanted to) cross crawling to develop the brain. Three of us at a time moving her head, moving her arms and legs as if she was crawling. Her lying on her front, screaming and I found that hard to do.
Hard on a marriage and Heather and Keith separated. Years later when Skye was nearly 4 Heather and her friend, Jane; and Skye were on a trip and I was living in Queenstown by then. I blithely said I would take care of Skye/ Kathryn while Heather had a day off and went on a tourist trip for 12 hours. I took Skye/Kathryn down to the lake for a walk and began to realize then perhaps this was not going to be an easy day. I learned the hard way what severe autism was.
There was someone home but the lights were very different to anything I had ever encountered with anyone before. There was NO response to anything I said, signed, led. She had heaps of energy, so I just let her run about safely. Heather had left instructions as to her feeding and supplements, pull up changing which was easily accomplished as far as I recall.
Later in the day, B4 Heather arrived back, I had Kathryn inside and she was becoming fractious and bored. I tried the usual things; was she hungry? I tried reading a story. Nothing. NO response just continued noise and moving around. How about the TV? Again nothing. It was as if she couldn’t see it in the same way the cat or a dog doesn’t despite being in front of it. NOTHING would entertain her or engage her. I was totally at sea as I had had no experience of a person this different from normal. The whirling around the room and noise increased. Even I could realise she was very agitated and bored. Because it is over 15 years ago, I cannot remember why I did not let her be outside again. Perhaps it was dark, or I was afraid she would run away. It was so hard to see her this distraught. I was getting exhausted and distraught myself and felt like I could have thrown her out the window. She was a beautiful child: the only physical sign of her disability being a small head.
I was SO very pleased to see Heather and from what I remember so was Kathryn. I have only seen her once since then about two years later in Christchurch when I visited Heather. Heather did an amazing job with her and I respected her decision to have give her up. I am very glad Kathryn has such a loving and caring family to take care of her at present. Well done Heather. You are a courageous woman.
From me (2023)
WHY WOULD YOU NOT?
